Saturday, February 03, 2007 @ 11:47 PM
i guess i survived my quarter life crisis ?
-takes in deep breath-
I don't know why it was so difficult to go through the ceremony. maybe it brought up all the hurt, maybe it's my 1st time? I seriously couldnt rem the last time i offered incense? i did it anyway cos mum asked me to ( obey yr parents) and i know deep down in my heart God still my God. i pretty much wished tt my grandpa was an ang mo. I can be spared from all the traditional loud sending off ceremony and quietly but respectfully drop a white rose before the earth covers his coffin. Land is scarce here and religion wise doesnt permit.
I pretty much took time for granted, youth isn't always on everyone's side. By the time, realization got into my head (when i realized their age and wanted to spend proper time with them)... cancer has already gotten him. this triggered crying part one in sydney.
I rem what was shared during kaleo when i was 17. It was abt church stand on wad Christian believers living in a non-believers family should do, when a close one passed away. As some would know, some christians give offering joss sticks a miss. Well if your entire family is Christian, you have the support. But wad abt the pressure u face as a minority in the pool of taoist and buddhist family members? Some react strongly and refused to participate. I guess that's wad led people to the impression that Christians are snobbish etc. It was an ear opener for me to hear a different perspective from our church. Indeed, we do not bow/worship idols but at such a time where everyone is hurting, "you" do not want to create a storm and cause further misunderstanding (somewhere along this line, it's diff to rem word for word w/o ref).
Im quite surprise Mum knows that Christians do not participate in such ceremony. Anyway she thanked me for going thru all that (so ke qi tt it caught me by surprise)!
I sat with ah ma and gang (eh seriouly i dunno some of my relatives and my hokkien sucks so just flashed megawatts smile to everything and anything). She's not so emo todae and slightly happier.
*i have some of my cousins' contacts (: no more familiar strangers i hope.
