Sunday, January 01, 2006 @ 4:27 PM
draft Ii've said i want to commit my life to Jesus. that moment of enthusiasm wasn't for show, i really want to. wrong.. i need to.. it's not a want but a need. I NEED TO.
im so afraid that sins in my life have caused my heart to be hardened that i no longer hear from God, just like callous that develope on our hands n legs. it is part of a way how our bodies react to pressure and thus get itself to resist the pressure by allowing that surface of the skin to harden.
well we all know new shoes mutilates our poor feet like mad. after awhile, blisters seem to diminish but in actual fact they transform to callous.
there are secret sins in my life that im too afraid to share .. for fear that i would be judged by my friends. secret sins that are obvious in the eyes of the Lord. i'm tired. i want to give up.. i find my christian journey tiring... this yoke too heavy to bear.
i pleaded God to speak to me. it's scary if God no longer interferes with my life. Yes some may argue that God is all loving and being omnipresent.. he wouldn't leave you alone. I dun want to take His love for granted.
i finally understood why i find a christian life so tough. becos i refused to surrender entirely to Him. He wants to give rest but i want to cling on.
i want to give up this yoke of slavery but i lacked the strength to fight temptations. ( probably edit this again after my slp, cant fully express myself)
